I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
