My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
