Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
