Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
