Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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