I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Randomize
