peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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