she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize