my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
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