I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
