oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Randomize