Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Farmville is her only friend.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
