One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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