I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Randomize
