I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
