I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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