i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Randomize
