Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
