when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
