You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
