do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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