Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
