I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
where am i from again
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
