I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
