great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
