After last night, I could never be a politician.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
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