and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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