well I can't set my house on fire every night
Michael Bay diarrhea
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Even my vagina gasped.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Randomize
