Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
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