thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
