After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
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