we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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