You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Randomize
