but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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