Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
