Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
