How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Randomize
