My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
