I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Randomize
