how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
