we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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