im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize