But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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