Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
