My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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