I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
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