There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
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