OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
