Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
she looked like the before picture.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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