I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
