If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
