i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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