im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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