is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
