How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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