Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
But break dance skills will only take you so far
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
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