You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
