I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
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