Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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