I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
