u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
God, you're like boner-b-gone
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
