Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
