so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
