Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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