Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
