I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
