Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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