Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
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