cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize