In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
