you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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