I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
