allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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