So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
