You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
she told me i tasted like america
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
