this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
