I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Randomize
