just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize