I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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