Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Randomize
