there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize