My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
