just come out here and I will go home with you...
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
