she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
