This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
