I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
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