I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
