I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
