you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
