dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
