You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Randomize