Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Randomize
