There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
