My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I just cut my nipple shaving
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
