I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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