last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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